Deidamia
by sakonma
Summary: An AlmaxKanda songfic. "My Heart"  Fragments of memories of the past, present and future without chronological order. Their souls are seeking forgiveness, their bodies love. Rated T for implied sex.


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Kanda went up straight towards his opponent.

A sword clashed with a deformed hand.

He and Alma locked their eyes. Neither of them was looking away, always observing the other's movements.

A third person would think it was for the sake of surviving, since diverting your gaze while fighting meant instant death. Even more with a Second as your foe.

But the two of them knew better.

It was a silent communication. Eyes would dart back and forth… lips would open and close, as if wanting to say something. Something they hid successfully under the sounds of the clashing weapons, under the masks of hated expressions.

Irises would grow bigger, filling with tears that were quickly blinked away.

Unsaid words would fill their minds. Memories were exchanged through regular breaths.

_Why do you want to forget  
Are you so afraid?  
Why are you about to forget  
even though the only thing I want is your love.  
_

Alma had enough.

''How has it been Yuu? Living alone like that?'' Sarcasm and hatred dripping from his words.

Said Yuu dashed towards Alma again, damaging his torso.

''Do you…have friends?'' A lot of blood and a single smile, as if he knew the answer already.

Kanda stopped dead on his tracks. He has been blocking his memories with him for years. Now they were flooding his mind again.

_It's my soul that is telling me.  
Telling me to follow you  
_

''Damn that Alma-creep! Following me like that again!''

Yuu was running as fast as he could. Away from that weird kid, who was stalking him 24/7. How could he possibly smile in a place like this? Laugh even! It was more than just strange.

''Yuu! Please wait up!'' Alma was chasing him. Yuu knew he would catch up to him soon. Having woken up first, he had been through more training. He was obviously stronger than him. Yuu didn't stand a chance.

Still he was running even when he had no breath in his lungs anymore.

He was telling himself, it was just to get away, because he hated being around that creep.

But deep inside of him the truth was that he was hoping for Alma to continue running after him. Not giving up. Testing if the older boy really loved him that much. Wanting to know if the other's stubbornness would finally turn his own initial hatred into love too.

''Yuu, I beg you! I just want to talk to you!''

Alma finally was only a step behind Yuu. Catching the other's hand, he pulled him towards himself, turning Yuu to face him in the process, immobilizing him with a tight embrace.

''Shove off!'' the younger boy tried pulling away. Alma only held him firmer, burying his head in the other's veil of black hair.

''Yuu… I have a bad feeling. I just had to tell you. I've been following you around all day for that!'' Alma admitted blushing, obviously embarrassed, but bearing dangerously worried expression too. The addressed one froze. The same thoughts have been running through his head all day too. This awful gut feeling…

The thick silence and warmth of the hug was destroyed when a staff-member made an announcement through the speakers:

''_Test subject Yuu. Please proceed in the Innocence Chamber for your first Synchronization.''_

Yuu didn't know what that meant. Moreover, he felt terribly irritated, when Alma broke into tears and sobs, ran away and screamed at the scientists to take him instead of Yuu.

_I want to give you  
So much, so much, so much  
My __apologizes_

Yuu was lying on his bed. Bandages all around him, covering every inch of his skin possible. Alma was sleeping next to him. He wasn't in a better shape than Yuu, to say the truth. The scientists decided experimenting on the both of them that day, since Alma so willingly volunteered. That idiot.

He kept apologizing after the synchro-tests. Alma was bombarding him with words, so much that Yuu couldn't even voice anything out to make him shut up. The short haired one kept repeating how he would try to protect Yuu from now on. Even if it meant sacrificing himself, giving him everything. How stupid! Wasn't he thinking of himself? Did Alma want to save him so badly?

Yuu knew the answer already. They had just become friends actually. Even though Yuu still didn't really understand what it meant to be friends. They had just laughed together over their injuries. Was that friendship? Waiting to heal after dying multiple times?

For a Second, for a test subject, it probably was. But Yuu felt something more the instant he laughed with Alma. He couldn't place it, but… Everything was much easier now. The air… He didn't know how, but it was certainly lighter. He could enjoy breathing now.

He maybe could enjoy living if Alma was by his side.

_But I know about love  
Yes, I know how to love you  
I know my darling  
My heart, my love_

In the dark room on one of the countless floors of the Headquarters, Kanda was trying to muffle his moans.

''Don't… mute your voice… Yuu… nnnnhhh…Please''. Alma was moving inches above him, throwing Kanda's legs over his own shoulders, thrusting forwards, colliding his hips with the long haired male's, breaking him tenderly.

Two bodies were linked. Hands connected. Chests moving rhythmically.

''I thought… aaaah…you only knew how to hate me…A…aah-nnn… Alma…'' Kanda finally spoke, this time displaying the pleasure he was feeling with sighs and groans decorating his speech. The solicited man ceased his loving motions to look at the other. He eventually smiled widely.

''Thought so of you too'' he replied, sealing the conversation with a kiss, resuming the sensual efforts and devoting himself to the male lying beneath him. But Yuu's thoughts weren't sealed.

_He _knew how to love. How to love_ her_. But Yuu wasn't _him. _He himslef had a different person to love. Someone belonging only to him.

'_I know how to love you, Alma'_. Yuu placed his hands on his lovers' face and embraced his waist with his legs, pulling him down, towards a heated kiss, driving him deeper in the warmth of his own body.

Until they finally became one.

_I want to ask for forgiveness  
I know darling…_

For a second time it was happening. When would that vicious circle of killing each other, experiencing rebirth and taking each other's lives again finally end? Maybe never? Maybe the charm on their chests, the curse they shared, was the reason for it. It symbolized the infinite circle of birth, life and death anyway.

Asking for forgiveness would only be halfhearted words. They knew this situation would continue. It happened once, it happened twice, it would happen again.

It was not their fault. They were forgiving one another without saying a thing. Their eyes were proof of that.

But these eyes showed something more…

They would never forgive their own selves.

_Why are you about to go away?  
Please understand it, I love you!  
And I'm fighting for a life worth living  
This is love  
Understand it my love_

''I want to live!'' Yuu was yelling at a raving Alma.

''Live! Ha! In a place like this! You were the one who despised everything about it at first, Yuu! Remember?''. Flesh was being slashed repeatedly. Tears would never stop falling on open wounds.

Alma's screams of agony were not helping Yuu much either. Yet that didn't stop them from their sanguinary dance.

Love. Wanting to die together with your most precious one.

Love. Wanting to keep going, living with the person you treasure the most.

Both did immensely love the other. Only that their ways of doing so didn't agree.

_And I have forgiveness, your forgiveness  
And I have more than just that  
I have your devotion, your love  
I want to give you everything you desire  
I know my darling  
I know about love  
You are my heart, you are my heart  
You are my love  
I want to give you my love  
Understand it!_

Kanda was lying sideways, supporting himself with one elbow, the palm cupping his cheek. His other hand, free, was caressing the sleeping figure next to him.

He was brushing Alma's hair out of his eyes with gentle strokes, again and again. He smiled when the sleeping male started mumbling incoherent words in his sleep. He laughed even. How long has it been from the last time he didn't have to force the air out of his lungs and back in?

It was unintended at that moment. The air was easy to inhale and exhale for another time. The sweet smell of having made love to each other once again still lingered in their room. It was more than just pleasurable for his exhausted lungs.

After some more petting, Kanda finally allowed his body to rest. He placed himself in his lover's arms, hands on the other's chest, snuggling up to him, head facing him, open eyes looking right through closed ones.

Alma wanted to stay awake with him. He did for many hours too, but Yuu's insomnia finally beat him, his own fatigue getting the better of him, until he fell asleep.

Kanda couldn't possibly stop looking at him. He wondered if the hatred had finally disappeared. Though he secretly knew, that this would only happen, when they both would finally stop existing. Alma told him to be careful around him. Always. It didn't matter how many times they fell in love with each other all over again. It didn't matter how many times they would make love to each other. Their host's memories would always be there, driving them insane, forcing hatred and unknown memories upon them, envying them for living.

For loving.

_I want to ask you to forgive me  
I know my love…_

Yuu was holding Alma's head with his hands. It rested peacefully on his lap, eyes half-closed, adorned with tears mixed with blood.

The half dead boy was smiling at him.

''Promise me to live…That's what you wanted right? What… you were fighting for…'', Alma said with a broken voice, painfully forced with the last hints of strength he had. He couldn't regenerate anymore. Yuu knew it.

''NO! _You_ promise me to live! Don't die on me Alma!'', the other boy cried out. He threw his Innocence, which had taken the shape of a lethal sword, away from both of them. Alma's Innocence was separated from his body during the fight too.

Yuu was holding him with all his strength, as if to try and pull his friend's soul back into his body, not allowing it to go where it was supposed to.

''It's too… late for me… Yuu. I can't…anymore. I can't regenerate anymore...One final injury and then… I'll die… for the last time… Kill me…And…please… ''

''…forgive me…'' Both of them said simultaneously. How ironic it was. They wanted to laugh together for a last time. Yet…

Alma went numb in his hands. Cold. He didn't hear Yuu's whispers anymore.

''My love…my one and only…''

_It's my soul that is telling me  
That is telling me to follow you  
_

Despair. Agony. Distress.

Yuu was lost. He didn't give his very first friend the coup de grâce. He couldn't possibly do that. So he left, after Alma passed away in his hands.

Pain.

Alma opened his eyes again. His life was back. Yuu didn't grant his dying wish.

He would live on. But he wondered if it would ever be the way it was before. Unfamiliar faces where dancing over him. His blurry vision wasn't of any help.

But he knew. His life as an experiment had just started.

Yet he would find him. Join him once more.

He realized that since his wish wasn't granted, maybe the gods wanted them to live on. Or just wished torture them some more.

Either way he would eventually follow him again, like when they were younger. Find him. He promised that to himself. He promised that to the friend he had made for some months only.

To his one and only love.

.x~X~x~X~x~X~x.

Despite having killed Alma himself, he still couldn't get rid of the feeling of him being near. Being still alive.

But he kept telling himself he was dead. Kanda didn't want to start pitying himself, for being so pathetic, as to kill his own best friend.

That's why he didn't even dare to regret a single slash that was brought down the other's body back then.

Still his own was telling him to do differently.

Dreams of a foreign girl and an unknown place covered with flowers where often replaced by others. Dreams of moments with Alma, passionate ones...wet dreams.

Tossing in his sleep, waking up, staring at the mess around him. He would only close his eyes once more, allowing himself to drown in this momentary sea of pleasure. Unhurriedly touching himself all over, he would whisper, over and over again, endlessly repeat that one name, until the mess around him was mirroring the mess inside of him.

The name still echoed in the four walls.

''Alma...Alma...Alma...''

_It's my body that is telling me_

_Telling me to love you_

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**Author's Notes:** ...

Written in memory of a deceased one.

...

Well...As stated in the description, this one is a songfic.

Never thought I would make one~ Thanks to Marl-chan, since she made one for me a long time ago. That gave me the motivation to try it too~

The song used is 'El Corazón ' by Arno Elias. It is in Spanish and means 'My Heart/Darling'~ I really fell in love with it~ I'm shuddering every time the singer sings the 'My soul is telling me to follow you' part, since «Soul» in Spanish, is «Alma». It's almost as if wanting to follow someone you lost to death...

«Deidamia», in Greek Mythology, is a Princess, and mistress of Achilles. Even though they were pretty young, they still fell in love with each other, in a very intimate way. But Achilles had to leave to join the Trojan War, leaving a pregnant Deidamia behind.

«Deidamia» is also a species of flowers, also called «Passion Flowers» [Passiflorae]. They are used to treat insomnia and also appear to have analgesic uses.

Special thanks to Luci for showing me this beautiful song. I've been listening to it all along as I was writing this story. Thank you dear~

So hun~ Another Almanda fic~ This pairing is kind of addicting...

Thank you for reading this story anyway~


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